Friday, July 5, 2013

Balance. It Could Be Awesome.

At this point I am trying to find a way to actually live this mantra. I try to keep things here positive and light but today here's the thing: For the past 6 years I've had a deep on and off again depression that I am having trouble releasing. One way of dealing with this has been through blogging, but as passionate as I've been it always falls flat. I consistently blog about loving the body you are in, yet at the same time can't stop obsessing about certain parts of my body and fantasizing about (and trying to figure out a way to finance) a tummy tuck/lipo to get rid of those last 20 pounds. I talk about deep spirituality at times, but IRL give into social pressure about where I should be spiritually and the kind of mother I should be.  (There is an old German saying of Kinder, K├╝che, Kirche, or the 3 Ks, it translates to “children, kitchen, church”).  It way pre-dates National Socialist thinking, but if I remember right somewhere within the rise of the Nazi party it became something of a fashionable statement. My life is an effigy of constant caring for everyone except myself. When I do feel inspired to write, research, or connect with friends my children immediately suffer. When I don't take time to do these things myself I suffer in the long run. I am feeling deeply inspired and spiritual lately, and these deep needs are screaming within to NO LONGER be put on the back burner. And yet they clash with the needs of others, with the life I've created. So any thoughts, positive energy, and prayers sent this way to help me find this sorely needed balance would be an amazing boost right now. Thanks, and I ♥ you all! xxoo

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